When I started this blog I knew I needed and wanted to write on a consistent basis. I promised myself a post every other day. I’m a day late and am thrilled as to why that is. My boy is here! My boy, who decided six weeks before this move that he was staying in Las Vegas, of all places. It would have been hard to leave him in San Diego where we have a good, strong support system. Leaving him in Sin City? Without a support system? Hard. Almost impossible. Heart breaking.
No one told me that parenting an adult child is harder than navigating through the terrible-two or teenage years. When he was a child I had leverage. It was my way or the highway – sometimes. He was a headstrong, independent kid (maybe not unlike his mom) and liked to challenge me but, for the most part, I set the rules. When he turned 18, little did I know, my leveraging days were over. I didn’t want to admit it and continued to parent like I always had. I think he humored me. For the most part, he listened to my advice. He followed the rules. Then, one day, out of nowhere, he decided to exercise his adult rights. He told me how it was going to be. That parenting day sucked. Hard. He stayed in Vegas and so did my heart.
I told my husband that I was certain he was going to stay in Las Vegas forever. He was going to get married, have children and put his roots down in Las Vegas. I was trying to figure out how I could be an involved grandma to grandkids that lived 20 hours away. I had conversations with my husband about education in Las Vegas and the overall tone of the city and how I didn’t want my future grandkids growing up there. I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m a bit of an over-reactor, but seriously, try telling me that in the midst of whatever situation I’m predicting the future for. My husband told me not to worry. He told me that my son, who hated the heat and crowds, would not stay in Vegas. He, along with every single person I know, told me that my son would end up here in Oregon. I didn’t believe it. I was already buying my plane ticket to visit my future grand-babies.
I was wrong. He moved to Oregon three days ago and, as you can see, loves it as much as his mom does. He was pretty serious about putting some roots down here and getting involved with his new community. He found a job. He signed up to be a volunteer firefighter/EMT. He is going to be an assistant coach for the local high school football team. My heart is happy and I am so, so proud of him. But, I’m not under any false pretenses anymore, at least that’s what I’m telling myself. He applied and interviewed for, and is most likely going on a commercial crabbing boat when crab season starts on December 1st. I’ve seen Deadliest Catch. The mom in me isn’t excited about this one bit, but, he’s an adult. I don’t have a say. And it could be so much worse – he could be in Vegas, getting married and starting a family. So my heart will go out to sea this winter but, we’ve already established that I put all my eggs in the ocean so I guess that’s fitting.
Are you a parent to an adult child? Have you read the manual? I would love it if you would share some of your insight and knowledge.